December 3rd, 2012

Dear C,

A most bizarre thing has happened to you. I’m not sure if anyone else has noticed. It goes against much of what we all learned in the second grade, but then so many people do it I’m starting to think it’s become the norm.

You’ve stopped using singular pronouns to refer to yourself.

I can’t remember the last time I heard you say “I need to,” or “I’m going to,” or “I have.” Now it’s just “we” and “us.” When you were an “I” I could talk to you about anything. I didn’t have to censor myself or act differently, but now I feel like I need to because that’s what you do. I feel like every time I ask you for advice I get “well now that I’m in a relationship.” The only time you’re and “I” anymore is to talk about your “we.”

I don’t suppose I’d have as much of an issue with this if the other half of that “we” didn’t diminish you in so many ways. I’m not sure if you know this, but you are less when you’re with him. You’re less fun, less intelligent, less expressive, but most of all there is less of you. I miss you. I’d like to ask you to hang out without getting a “I’m not sure what we’re doing.” Excuse me, but the invitation was not for a “we,” it was for you.

I don’t want you to think that I say any of these things because I’m jealous of your we-hood, because I’m not. I have absolutely no desire to be with anyone that will absorb or compromise my singularity. Sure I can be part of a couple but I need the emancipation of an “I.” I don’t want to be in a relationship where either myself or the other party becomes less because of it.

After all, isn’t the point of words like “we” and “us” augmentation? And isn’t augmentation all about making something bigger and better?

The “we” that you have become does the opposite of augmenting you. I hate to break it to you, but the “we” created by you and that person you’ve become synonymous with doesn’t add up to the you you used to be.

I miss that you.

K