Body No. 1

At a yoga class the teacher said

“Only you know how your body feels”

And I screamed in my mind

Not me

I don’t

I can’t

I don’t know

Repeated on a loop

As I held the stretch

And tried to breathe through it

It once again reminded me

That I can’t seem to find

A way to get my head

Planted firmly on my shoulders

It won’t be straight

That would never happen

I’m much too bent for that

Twisted by the breakings

The mutilation of my past

But I could get it tighter

To keep it grounded on my neck

More steady than before

My father used to say I’d lose it

If it weren’t attached

I’m not convinced it really is

Or ever even was

When you look at all the evidence

There seems to be a disconnect

Between my head and body

My heart leads me to people

My brain knows are no good

The body in the mirror

Is not the one I see

Reflected in my mind

When asked what I am feeling

I try to figure out

How to feel and not to think

But the storm cloud of my mind

Extends far above my head

And has no time

For the vessel at its base

Sometimes I think I hate my body

But really I’m not sure

I know it well enough

To even feel that way