The Wants

People ask me what I’m looking for, and I’ll say “I don’t know.”

But I do.

I know exactly.

And I always have. I know exactly what I want from life, from love, from everyone I meet. But I don’t reveal it. I keep all the wants clutched tightly, right behind my sternum.

I have to keep them hidden, because the wants I want are too much to ask. That’s what I learned somewhere, from someone. Maybe Mom… or Dad… or anyone who caught my gaze when I was really young. Anyone I trusted, not knowing any better.

I absorbed that in my bones and now I am afraid that admitting what I want, or worse, asking for what I want, will chase it all away. That the words will dissolve any hope of making the wants reality as soon as they are spoken.

So I shrink my wants to stay within my ribcage and instead I reflect back the things, that people want from me.