Dear Bro at the Gym

Dear Bro at the Gym,

We get it, you’re lifting a lot of weight because you’re a big tough man. Could you maybe take it down a few pounds and cut out the grunting? I don’t think you’re doing it to train for some sort of competition or I would cut you a little bit of slack. I’m certain that you’re just doing it for the attention, which is also why I’m assuming you wore a shirt that you’ve cut so that we can see all of your chest and back. Really it isn’t a shirt, it’s a strip of fabric between the neck and hem of what used to be a shirt. Honestly, you’d be less conspicuous if you were just shirtless, but that’s against the gym’s dress code. I don’t see how the chest loincloth you’re wearing doesn’t also violate said dress code, but I don’t make the rules. I also notice that you won’t actually lift the weight until you are sure that people are watching. We get it; you are the height of manliness and we should all tremble in fear of you. I’m sure you have the biggest dick here. Now how about taking some of that weight off, and increasing the reps just a bit. Then put on a real shirt, and let the rest of us get on with our workouts without your obnoxious accompaniment.

            Your Fellow Gym Goer

PS: Maybe stop bathing in cologne before you come in here. I already have sweat streaming into my eyes, I don’t need them tearing up due to your noxious mix of BO and whatever designer brand knockoff you insist smells like the real thing.