June 5th, 2011

Dear B,

I don't understand what exactly you've done to me. Your actions and my reactions to them have caused me more varied emotions than any other single event that I can recall. I have been alternatively filled with love, anger, happiness, depression, and everything in between; sometimes switching extremes within the same few minutes.

I don't understand how you could have gotten so close. After all of the years I've spent building the walls of my fortress you somehow managed to penetrate my innermost sanctum. Infuriatingly, you got to my very core in order to wreak havoc there.

I don't understand how I could've been such a fool. All of the evidence against you was staggering. The case against you was so solid that there should never have been an objective argument in your favor. But then again I suppose the feeling that filled me whenever you held me in your arms had a way of wrecking my objectivity.

I don't understand how you could've left the way that you did. I always knew that the scale was unevenly balanced in our feelings for each other, but I apparently tricked myself into believing that you had even a fraction of the feelings for me that I had for you. I had convinced myself, against all reason, that I mattered.

I don't understand many things, but most of all I don't understand how I never understood what was happening.

K