May 16th, 2010

Dear A,

I saw C the other day and she mentioned you. I just wanted to write to see how you are. She told me you're in Minneapolis and that you're doing well. Married with a couple of kids. Sounds like you're living the American Dream.

I hope you're doing okay, really, because I know that's not the dream you dreamed when I knew you. I think about you fairly often. Do you still play guitar and write songs? I've met so many of those stereotypical guitar/singer/songwriter people since I met you. You know the type; the person who learns four chords and writes lyrics about how pretty this girl is so he can get laid. Don't ask him to tell you what a quarter note is. You weren't like that. I always admired your talent. You were thoughtful and wounded and you played so well. I wonder if whatever job you have really satisfies you.

I worry about that. I guess I've always worried about you in some ways. I always thought you would somehow destroy yourself. You always struck me as one of those people that had such potential, but wouldn't allow themselves to reach it. I'm sure you have your reasons. I'm sure you have your scars too. Lord knows I do. You're one of them.

There was a time when I was absolutely head over heels for you. I think you knew that. I'm incredibly grateful you didn't let that freak you out. I was just getting to know myself at the time, beginning to uncover things I’d hidden from everyone, including me, and you were so... you. I completely fell for you. I knew it would never happen. I knew it the whole time. I knew that part of my attraction to you was the fact that you did seem damaged. I've always liked a project. I think I look for people to fix in order to avoid fixing myself. Unfortunately I haven’t been able to completely shake that particular habit.

I also think that part of your appeal could very well have been the fact that I knew it would never happen. The fragility of myself at the time probably couldn’t have handled anything that did happen, with anyone at that time. So I latched on to someone who was unattainable, but who seemed like they wouldn’t be threatened if the truth was discovered. And I’m sure you knew, because I wasn’t exactly good at hiding it.

I think we both saw more of each other than most people did. That’s one reason I’m so glad that we were friends through it. I think it helped me get over you, seeing you as you were. I knew that you would drop off the radar. I'm glad you reconnected with C though. I'd like to see you again someday, just to catch up. I understand if you don't want to though, if you need to leave the past behind. I do wish you the best. I always have.

K