Ridiculous Things Musicians Do

1) Refer to nonmusicians as “civilians.” 

Sorry but we do.  It is amazing the culture that can develop in certain professions, and music is no exception.  We even have our own language.  It’s hard to welcome people into our circle when they have no idea what we’re talking about half the time.

2) Play “My instrument is more difficult than your instrument.” 

It’s very similar to the “my genitals are bigger than yours” or “my dad can beat up your dad.”  Musicians will spend hours arguing about why their instrument is the most difficult and therefore, how they are for superior to everyone else.  Enlightened musicians will tell you that every instrument has it’s particular difficulties.  The only people who can actually even make a decent argument are percussionists because they have to be good at so many different things.

 3) Sleep in practice rooms.

I’m not kidding.  There was once a fire in my apartment building that left me in need of shelter for four months.  I seriously considered just moving into the music building.

 4) Do unspeakable things in practice rooms. 

I meant musically, get your mind out of the gutter.  This can range from playing Mozart in a romantic style to playing Chopsticks or Heart and Soul.  Or setting coffee on the piano.  That one makes me violent.

 5) Gush for hours about the awesomeness of Eric Whitacre.

Seriously, he’s amazing.  Choir nerds and band geeks all bow down before the wonder that is Whitacre.  If the music isn’t enough, just view his Facebook page, he’s also a hilarious philanthropist.

6) Whatever you initially thought for #4.

7) Debate “flutist” versus “flautist.”

Maybe it’s sad but yes, this is a debate you hear frequently.

8) Conduct the background music in grocery stores.

No we aren’t crazily trying to get rid of flies only we can see, we’re simply conducting along to whatever is playing.  Whether it’s bad pop music or holiday favorites, we’ll wave our arms to it all.  You can also catch us commenting on interesting harmonic and/or meter changes.  See, we do have our own language.

9) Play “Who’s applied teacher is meaner/stricter/more intense.”

It’s even funnier when Person A has never even met Person B’s applied teacher.

10) Sing the instrumental solos in their favorite songs.

I am sure there are nonmusicians who do this too, but I think we take it to a crazier level.