Test for You Testes, Exam for Your Eggs

I think that many people would agree with me when I say that there are too many people on the planet. I think some would also agree when I say that an alarming number of those people are morons. So I have a proposal to send out into the world. I call it Test for Your Testes, or Exam for Your Eggs for those of the uterine persuasion.

This is a simple test with a simple premise - to weed out people that should not be procreating. No passing of the test, no having of the bebės (and if you did not read that last word in the voice of Moira Rose, I recommend you binge watch Schitt’s Creek as soon as possible). Step number one; people who cannot legally have alcohol should not be able to have children. The test is therefore designed to be taken after one's twenty-first birthday. Honestly, even that seems too young for me, especially given what we know about brain development, but I’m being generous. The test questions follow. 

1)     Please explain, in as much detail as necessary, how a four way stop works.

2)     Solve the following problem: 2x4+9-3

3)     True or false: The Holocaust was an event that happened in the 20th century.

4)     Please circle all of the following things that should be accessible to people worldwide.

A)    Healthcare (including mental health services)

B)    Marriage

C)    Food

D)    Clean Drinking Water

E)    Military grade weaponry

F)     Education

G)    Affordable Housing

H)    Employment that pays a living wage

5)     List five books you have read in the past three years.

 There it is. Five simple questions. Now no test is foolproof, and surely some people who shouldn’t procreate will get through – either by dumb luck or actual knowledge. Even with those inevitabilities, if this test were implemented it could possibly save the planet; and I’m only halfway joking about that.