Idioms I Hate

I understand the purpose of idioms are to be folksy and cute and sometimes to teach a lesson. Growing up I heard my fair share of idioms that my relatives seemed too pull out of the air. Most of these made as much sense as a cat in a henhouse (no really, they were like that or weirder). But there are common idioms that people say that drive me crazy. Too many for one post. Here is volume 1.

1.     "You look like something the cat dragged in." I have lived with cats before, and they never dragged anything in. I know that some people's cats bring them dead birds and such, but I've never personally experienced that. Maybe the cats I was around were just lazy. Also, how rude of you to say that I look like a half eaten bird.

2.     "A penny for your thoughts." This one is so freaking stupid. It sounds like something a kindergarten teacher would say. You know, one of those overly sweet kinds of kindergarten teachers that says "sugar" instead of "shit" around adults. And I think many of my thoughts (at least the ones I'd sell) are worth more than a penny. Although this entire section could be caused by my general hatred of pennies.

3.     "Actions speak louder than words." I actually think this one is true, it's just usually said in such a pretentious manner that it makes me want to slap whomever said it.

4.     "Back to the drawing board." When was the last time anyone planned anything important on an actual drawing board?

5.     "The ball is in your court." First, this comes from the world of sports, which loses me automatically. Second, what sort of ball and court? It isn't clear at all, just like the rules of most sports to me. I mean, why the hell is a touchdown worth six points? Why not five? Why not one? Anything but six.

6.     "Don't beat around the bush." I mean, do I even need to say why? Far too sexual.

7.     "It's the best thing since sliced bread." Now I'm not saying that presliced bread is not a huge convenience, but really? There have been really wonderful things that have happened both before, and since sliced bread. The polio vaccine maybe, or the election of the first black president. Fall of the Berlin Wall? And how difficult was it to slice bread anyway?

8.     "It's a blessing in disguise." A surprise blessing. Oh wonderful. I don't like surprises. Also, this is usually said by someone trying to make you feel better about a disappointment. Therefore it is usually said in an incredibly annoying way.

9.     "You can't judge a book by its cover." Yes, you absolutely can. Why do you think people spend so much money on marketing? Maybe it shouldn't be done, but don't tell me I can't.

10.  "Don't cry over spilled milk." Well, I really think it depends on where it is spilled and how much you wanted said milk. Maybe it's late at night and it's the last bit of milk you have and you had your heart set upon it.