Benedictus

Once a week

I come to this building

And sit near the back

So that I can say

I am steeped in community

But still escape if it overwhelms

I listen to the words said

Smile ironically each time they are

“Blessed are they

Who come in the name

Of the Lord”

I smile because that leaves me out

I come to pray to you

I come because I miss you

And being in this place

Surrounded by these people

Somehow makes me miss you less

When the prayers are said

I insert your name

In place of God or Jesus Christ

Maybe it is sacrilege

Maybe it is blasphemy

But it makes me feel less sad

It makes me feel you near me

As though just for a moment

You are sitting next to me

Singing those same hymns

Reading the same psalms

Loving me again

In the way this place

Says we all should be