August 20th, 2011
Dear K,
I got your letter the other day. I want you to know that I think about you quite often too. I also thought you should know that trip stands out as one of the happiest of my life. I lost myself on those beaches with you. I managed to forget about what I’d left behind as we walked along the shore, picking up shells and stones. You know that I broke up with him just a few months after we got back. It wasn’t working, and I couldn’t pretend anymore. I think it actually started before I left, I just didn’t want to see it. I suspect it was that time with you that really showed me what could be, and what wasn’t.
I’d never really met anyone quite like you before. You had a quiet confidence that was wrapped up in a bunch of insecurities. I think you saw those most of all, but I could see into that core. It always shone the most brightly when you weren’t thinking about anything; when you were staring out at the waves or writing in your notebook about the day. It was those quiet moments when you unconsciously settled into that inner confidence. Those were the moments I found myself most attracted to you.
I just think that we missed our moment. It happens more often than people care to admit. We could have been great, it just wasn’t ever the right time. I wish that wasn’t the way it happened, but I’m afraid that’s just how our story goes. I think about you occasionally and I think of how it could be. We’re in such different places in our lives, I can’t imagine how we would put them together. It would require one of us to give up on what we’re doing, and I don’t think either of us are willing to do that at this point. I get the impression that the one that did make the sacrifice would become resentful. I don’t think it’s worth it, and I think you’d agree. Part of our attraction to each other is our drive and ambition in our respective fields, and you know as well as I do that we will sacrifice anything in the pursuit of our dreams. I’m afraid that any hope of a relationship is just another sacrifice to that cause.
I love you. I really do. Know that I will always wonder what could have happened if things were different, but I won’t regret it, because that would mean you would be a different person. I wouldn’t change you for that.
Love,
M